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Grassland Hero, with a Surfer Lingo.

ABOUT
Oh heyy!
I'm Catelynn :) I'm not pretty, I'm not the "perfect girl". I'm just me. I do what I want, and I'll express what I want. I live in Nebraska, soon to be where my heart tells me to go. I like to make fun of how I look all because I can make a fucking joke about myself. Don't take everything to seriously. Life is going to throw so many things your way, don't let them get to you. I post what I want, so if you get butt hurt about it, just go away :)

LINKS

cartoonheroes:

Sorry for the long post! Little storyboard I wanted to do, involving modern diner mermaids.

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love”  (via dorkvader)

i feel like this should be published and sold everywhere

(via the-hammer-of-fenris)

(Source: internmarlee)


mogarisreadytoblog:

mrcaseythegreat:

miss-mcguiness:

imleigh:

“DONT BOTHER COMING HOME”

“GONNA SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE.”

"I ACCIDENTALLY HAD SEX WITH IT."

"NOW WE’RE IN LOVE"

I will never not love dog texts.

(Source: iraffiruse)

justifiably:

g8dtier:

natsuyasumii:

im-alex-s:

dutchster:

his brother lost a bet and has to dance for 30 minutes. strangers join in to dance with him

this is cute. i hope they all stayed in touch

i’d say the guy who lost the bet really won here

THIS IS THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN EVER

He needs to marry that girl.

teenagegaywad:

theodorepython:

coyotescorner:

peculiaraura:

itscandidlycaratempurl:

Friendly reminder this show was filmed in front of a live studio audience in one take.

And that all sitcom laugh tracks are taken from this show because the laughter was so sincere.

friendly reminder that this show was fuckin awesome

And most of the people who were recorded laughing are dead now. When you hear people laughing in sitcoms today, it’s the recorded laughter of dead people.

Well that escalated quickly

howstuffworks:

6 of the Scariest Abandoned Mental Asylums in America

There are abandoned mental hospitals across the U.S. and horror took place in all of them. Here are six of the scariest of them all. See the whole gallery at Stuff You Should Know.